Last year, out of the blue, I became severely ill and for nearly 4 months I experienced some of the worst pain, sickness, and fear of my life. My joints were massively inflamed, and for many hours a day and most of the night, I had no movement in my hands, arms, feet, and legs. I thought I was losing my mind since my symptoms would come and go in hourly waves throughout each day. I knew something serious was happening, yet at the same time, when the pain went away in the afternoon I thought it must not be so serious anymore. I was going to the doctors about 2-3 times a week and had taken every test possible, unfortunately, even though I tested positive for Lupus my doctor didn’t think that I had the “hard to diagnose” disease. After my doctor said “great news- we didn’t find anything wrong with you” I knew it was time to be my own advocate. I switched general practitioners, and went to the hospital where a Rheumatologist diagnosed me with Lupus on the spot.
My biggest challenge was being strong at school and in front of my family. No one knew of the excruciating pain that I felt except for my husband, and even from him I would hide my tears. Struggling through this disease has made me so much stronger. People look at me and see the same person, but they don’t know the pain I’m masking or hard it is to even move. Living with Lupus will be life changing, and I know that I will have healthy periods of remission, but at the moment- I’m hurting.
I find it interesting that I am sharing so much of my personal struggle over the internet, when I haven’t even shared this much with people that I’m close to. I draw strength everyday from God and I stay positive knowing that there is a purpose for everything in life and that I should be grateful that it’s not worse. I always joke with my husband and tell him that no matter how badly I feel, I’ll never walk outa our house without makeup and heels on!
